After a great “catch-up” conversation tonight with a friend and reading from Byron Katie’s, “A Thousand Names for Joy,” I find myself thinking about how much of our lives are spent “holding on.”
Zen Buddhism teaches that suffering arises from attachment; when I desire a certain outcome.
It is what I tell myself about an event that leads either to pain or peace.
Byron Katie described it perfectly when speaking of her own experience of deep depression in her thirties: “I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, but that when I didn’t believe them, I didn’t suffer.” (preface, pg. x, above-named book)
She went on to develop The Work.
Michael Singer shows in his writings how fickle our thoughts are by helping us recognize them as The Observer; that, once we refrain from creating a story out of what passes by in our minds, we free ourselves from perceived reality.
Let me give some real-world examples:
- A coworker makes a comment, questioning the purpose of a call or another is irritated by something you see as a strength;
- One person in a relationship feels they are the one consistently making amends, while the other wants no fights at all;
- A gift given, or received;
- Intonation, facial expression…body language.
The list is endless of what could be taken and formed as story. If I allow myself to hang on to the incessant running commentary in my mind and act on it, that is not living, it is ricochet.
I see how much of my life has been shaped by the negative. Meaning that I have held to the old limiting beliefs.
A few years ago, I read that any time an untruth comes to mind that is spoken aloud, to immediately say, “Cancel, Cancel.” I still do this.
How crucial it is to speak words of lovingkindness to ourselves and hold the same for others.
This isn’t to say there won’t be moments when we feel provoked and respond in less-than-desirable ways.
It means that we learn from ourselves and offer generous forgiveness, knowing the compassion we give others is available to us. 
